The Sun Will Come Out.

Sometimes Life momentarily loses it's beauty. Today was one of those days for me. I was with my friends nearly all day, and I liked my friends nearly all day too. But sometimes life just gets dull.

Like a piece of silver that has tarnished and lost it's shine over night.

I tried hard to look at the normality that surrounded me and see beauty in it. I tried to stretched my mind into loving the common things that were all around, pressing down silently on my resolve. But I failed.

My prayer tonight is that I don't let the days look like this anymore.

Tomorrow I'll be different (my hearts eternal cry).

Tomorrow I'll be better. I'll live outside of my own head; Outside of the vanity that so often consumes me, and I will be what I was meant to be. It would be easier if I knew what that looked like.

Tomorrow, I will not use the word "I" so much.

How often we put all of our hopes and dreams into our tomorrows. I wonder If they feel pressured to be perfect? I would.

But why not hope hope for today?

"Because it is too late for today."

Well, I'm back from Bequia. It was amazing. I made some friends. That surprised me. I'm really not good at talking to people. Even children. It's just something that dose not come naturally or easily. So I know that God was working in me. It's so exiting! And it's not over. I gave my address, to three little girls from the VBS. They are sisters. Kima who is nine, Tasya who is eight, and Ashanti who is seven. They don't go to church, but they came to vbs every single day. Tasya -the middle girl- clung to me all week simply because I played football with her the first day. Things like that have got to be God. I'm not even athletic.

Guys, Pleas pray for these kids. Not just the sisters, but all of them. Cameron said that allot of the kids there (including the sisters) are street kids. That means that their parents are working all day, and they are left to fend for themselves. Plus allot of them are coming from really broken homes, and it was apparent. They were all so hungry for love. leaving was hard.

Also, I made friends with one of the teens, which was even MORE shocking and exiting. Her name is Angelique, and she is thirteen. She was in mine and Graces' small group all week, but barely talked. By Thursday, she was starting to warm up. Conversations and games were easy, and she was even asking a few questions in the study. Friday morning, we invited all of the teens to go swimming at the beach near our house. Angelique and I got to talk for a bit while everybody else was off walking, and she really started to open up, and talk about her family and just some stuff we had talked about during the week. Pleas pray for the teens too. Many of them are really full of passion, and want to serve God. Just pray that they will be examples for the rest of the church, and become leaders, because I know that they can.

Anyway, there are one Billion more stories that could be told (and will be if you ask me in person). But the week was great. I'm really exited about all of the relationships that we made, and just to see what happent next. Because no way this is the end.

JOOOON!

Well. I have not blogged much as of late. First it was because I was off campin' (which was hard, wet, tiring, kind of awful, and really wonderful, all at the same time) . After that, I had a suprisingly busy week of friends and family, and Bequia meetings. That brings me to this weeks endevors; getting ready for Bequia. I really can't wait. I feel like this trip is just really suposed to happen, and that God has brought together just the right people for it. I can't wait to see how He is going to use each of us! It's SO exiting.

I love the thought that God is using me, and lately in my life, it's been undenyable. I've really seen how He has used my past to teach me things that I need to know now. And I can see how the things that are in my life now, are helping to shape my future. The crazy thing is that I have no idea what that future will be, but I can see and feel it coming none the less. * deep sigh * ... life is beautiful... And God is amazing. Never forget those things, ok?

But back to Bequia. As I said, I feel like God will do big things, and I know that he can. I want you all to pray for us though. although it is not really us, but God in us that wil make any differance, we, as a team, need your prayer. there is so much that none of us really know how to handle. Just with the culture differances that we will be facing; they are huge. I feel like I won't be able to relate to them, but God can use anyone. Even a bunch of white suberban kids. Just pray, ok? God is moving.

My thoughts are not verry clear at the moment. Sorry for that. but I'll try and blog again before I leave. If not, see you all in July!

I feel pathetic. Who would have guessed that I could get this emotional over some cats.
Hugo and Iron Man just left. I will never see them again. I already miss them.

This whole experience has thought me something thought. Well, more like re enforced something that I already had thought about. I Will never have childeren of my own. I just can't. I want a family, but if I'm like this after a few weeks of raseing some cats, what on earth would happen with acual children that are a part of me, and that I rased for years and years? I just can't imagen it. It is settled. I'm adopting all of my kids. ( "But Beth, that will not be any easyer!"..." Yes, I know that...")

Any way, I want to talk to you guys. I mean really talk. Because I really love you all. How about sunday?

Waking Up with the Dawn.

I woke up just before five O' clock this morning. By five after five, it was clear that my sleep was over. I was Ok with this. It was ever so slightly dark when I went outside, and very quiet.
Sometimes it's just really nice to do things that you don't usually do, just to remind you how much you like living. It's easy to forget, sometimes, that life is about living and not just being alive.
Here is what I thoughts this morning-

I was thinking about my friends and just realized another reason that I like you guys so much. And it is this; you don't try and be anything other than what you are. I guess that we might have learned this from each other, because i find myself being the same way.

All of my life, from the time I was born on, I was always trying to be cool. And whenever I tried, I failed (quite miserably). But around the time that I started hanging out with you guys, (my sophomore year of high school) and really getting to you you all, I started caring less about what others thought, and started just being myself. That was new. I don't think I ever completely stopped being myself, I just twisted myself to fit the mold of what I thought was "cool". It wasn't.

Maybe I it was because I fit in better than i ever have before. We all like allot of the same things, and that helps. But as I said at the beginning of spiel, I think we just accept who we are. So what if we are white suburban kids, who are kind of nerdy, and laugh at the word poop a little to much. that's who we are. And I like like who we are. Let's never stop, Ok?

P.S. did anyone get that really cheesy reference that was my title? I sort of hope not.

Dust in the wind

I had this thought early this morning, while I was literally half asleep. I just thought I would share it.
I was thinking about Psalm 103: 14. Which says, "For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust." I really like that verse. And I though, "If we are dust, God must be the wind."
It makes sense. We are just little dust particles sitting around, incapable of doing anything worth doing, or even moving on our own. We need something bigger and something outside of ourselves to move us. That something is the wind. It brought us to where we are now, and anywhere that we go in the future will only be at the will of the wind.

And we (at least, some) think in our little dust heads, "Isn't the Wind great, and powerful for being able to move us?" And it is. But we will never understand it's full power. As dust, we will never see the wind blowing through the trees, or forming tornadoes and hurricanes. When the tiniest of breezes is enough to awe and confuse us, What would happen to us in the wake of a tornado?... Or even a strong gust...

I don't know... just thought it was kind of an interesting picture.

Five days and counting.

Five. That's how many more days that I have to go to that place. I simply can't wait till I'm dome with it forever.

There is so much to look forward to this summer! Camp, (I'm about 90% going) Bequia, helping my best friend plan her wedding (CRAZY!), and of course 31 bucket list items with my other bff's... I will be so proud of us if we do everything on that list.

And the fall! I'm so exited about Calvary! Which is odd, because I'm dreading leaving everybody behind. Not my family so much as my friend. I'm sure that I will miss my family once I actually get there, but they are my family. I have to stay in contact with them weather I want to or not.(I do.) But my friends are different. They are like family that everyone expect you not to stay in touch with.

I decided that I just cant be like Sarah in this regard. I can't just be ok with making friends and then moving on to somewhere else to make new ones. The ironic thing is that I am moving on... I suppose that I'll just have to find a way to make new ones while keeping the ones I already have. I'm pretty hopeful that it is possible. It has to be.

Anyway, I'm accualy supposed to be writing the last of my research paper, so I should really get back to that.(seeing as it's due tomorow...)
Loveyouallandbye!