WELL HEY THERE!

Hey. Hello. Hi.

I haven't blogged since the spring. I was just reading over old post, reminiscing about the glory days of my relativity short blogging life... It made me miss this. So I decided to post this. Also, I felt dumb leaving things as they were in my last post. (Whiny.)

I don't know how regular of a thing this salvaging of my blog will be. I go back and forth as to how much I want to do this. This very post may become another contrived effort in a week of or a month... but that has never stopped me from making said contrived efforts in the past, so...

About the fact that possibly no one will read this; at the moment I don't care. I'm feeling ambitious! So take that, last post! :P

Ok. Now to actually talk about my life... This semester, summed up so far? Good. Better than the last one. Being not a freshman is better than being one. (sorry to all you freshmen out there)

Also, I'm an ARA this year. (assistant resident assistant, which I'm pretty sure no other school in existence has...) That has taught me allot. About patience, and prayer, and how to set examples, and all that good stuff.

Let's see... I'm just doing allot of growing lately (I think... I'm pretty sure).

One thing I am not growing in? Or away from/ out of, I should say: procrastination. For instance! Right now I am blogging instead of writing a paper that is due tomorrow. I'll probably be up super late because of this... But I'll refrain from complaining out of sheer stubbornness, Drink allot of coffee tomorrow, and get on with life.

Now I've come to the awkward part of the blog where I forget how to end these things... So here are some quotes for you that I found recently.

“The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking.”

-A. A. Milne

“Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.”

-Ibid.

“You can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”

-Ibid.

Are you listening?

I am the least inspired person on the planet today. There is only one reason that I am writing this post, and that is to tell you all that If you want me to blog ever again, then you should probably comment on the things that I write. I don't care what you say, but when nobody says anything, I assume it's because nobody is reading it. And if no one reading, than what is the point of blogging? I only say this because I have been told in person on more than one occasion that I need to blog more often... So say something please. Also, in case you care, today is the last day of spring break, most of which I spent singing in Michigan. And that is all I'm saying, cause like I said, I'm pretty apathetic today. Bye.

* Insert title here *

I know that I just blogged or whatever, but who cares? (I'm sorry if you actually do...)

WHAT a nerve wracking day it has been. Guys? I really wish right now that I could talk to you all about things... I miss your advice. Or just presence. I guess this will just have to do.

I started things off with a test at 8. I think that that part actually went well... I think. But I was still nervous.

At 3:20 I had an interview with the deans of my school, for being an RA or ARA. I really don't know how to gauge these sorts of things, but they didn't laugh at me or kick me out of the office or anything. I'm just really afraid of rejection. I know it's silly. I understand that if they don't choose me as an RA or ARA, it really isn't a huge deal. I know that it's not an insult, and I know that it might not even be saying that I'm unqualified. But in my sill mind, I feel like they are saying, "you are not good enough for us."

Last, as I mentioned in my last post, that I am sort of co-teaching the youth at my church? Well tonight was the first night of that. It was pretty humbling. I don't think that it was completely awful or anything... But I have allot to learn. Teaching is hard. I've really only done winterfest teaching before (or the equivalent) and let me tell you something. Teaching your peers is WAY easier than teaching a group of people that is younger than you, and is actually looking to you for teaching. (Or maybe they aren't. I can't really be sure.)

I don't think it was a total loss. I mean, when you're telling people about the word of God, it never is (God can use broken words). And I did learn allot about teaching, and just from preparing the lesson... But what I'm saying is that there is allot of room for improvement on my part.

So yeah. That is my day... I miss you guys. Bye.

Mostly because Marcy told me to...

Preface.
Ok. I have not blogged in a while... sorry about that. especially if reading my blog is the primary way that you keep up with my life (which I'm realizing is more of you than it used to be...).
So, as much as I would love to write a very long and detailed post, I have little time.. And three tests this week... But I'll try and hit the main highlights.


One.
I'mmmmm really busy this semester. (19 credit hours...) But I really really really like my classes. Dis. Pre. is not nearly as hard as people here make it out to be, but Mr. Smith (who teaches theology, not Dis. Pre.) IS just as hard of a teacher as they say. Also, I think that certain teachers probably conspire on their lessons so that they can emphasize certain themes... tricky little guys...

Two.
This is the book I am currently reading. It is more enlightening than... a light bulb? Spiritual life class? both. Put together.

Three. This is the album that I have been addicted to lately.

Four. For about five weeks, I've been working with the youth group at my church. They have a youth leader (maybe pastor? I'm not really sure...), but he didn't really have any lessons planned. So my friend Ross and I are co teaching. He's going through Genesis, and I'm going through John, and we switch off. I actually haven't taught yet... Wednesday is my first lesson, and I'm really really exited and nervous at the same time. But everyone in the group is really eager to learn, so I think It will be good.

...And that is the end for now.

P.S. I really am going to blog more often... sorry if I fail... again.

Leavin' Home and Commin' Home.

Tomorrow marks the END of my first semester here. I feel like I should be wandering around in sandals and short sleeves, not knowing anyone, or what to do with myself... Man, I'm glad that part is over. I'm glad that I belong here now.

I'm also glad that I'm going to be on break soon though. I feel like this: It's easier to be myself back in St. Louis, because people know what I'm like already. I guess some do here too, but not to the same extent. I feel like everything I do here is forming an opinion in the minds of other as to what kind of person that I am. It's true; that is what is happening. In one way, i like that, and it's really exiting. But at the same time, it will be nice to not have to worry about that for a while.

Also, I'm a little nervous about next semester... I'm already asking myself why on earth I'm taking 18 hours... But I can do it!(I think) Here is my reasoning behind it all:
This semester I took 15 hours (6 Classes), and got by with pretty good grades, and pretty much no organization of...anything. So if I actually work ahead on easy things over break, and be organized and all that poop, then I'm sure I'll be fine... I guess only time will tell.

Speaking of grades, I was surprised yesterday by a ridiculously easy OT final, which brought my grade up to barely an A. But it's still an A, and Dr. Miller in my new favorite person in the world.

That is all.

laundry list

I've been meaning to post for quite some time now. I've accualy started several post, but then (due to time constraints or something like that) not finished them. So sorry 'bout that.

Anyway, here is a list of some things that are on my mind. Because if I actually typed them all out in detail, I'm afraid you would all get bored, old or (more than likely) both by the time you were done reading it.

1. I can't wait till thanksgiving. I really miss St. Louis. (for the people, not so much the place its self)
2. I love this College (again, mostly because of the people).
3. WINTERFEST! There is practically nothing that could stop me from going (like always, but more so this year than others).
4. I've been getting the feeling lately that I'm not going to be home from college as much as others (and by that I mean people at other schools). For many reasons. I think I like that fact.
5. (to go along with #4) I've been realizing lately, that home is not so much a place as it is a concept, and I find myself very, very blessed to have more than one.
6. RANDOM FACT! I'm listening to Emery right now, and they make me feel cool, cause I'm a nerd.
7. God is amazing.

And that is all... for now.

My First Blog post From College!

So here it is. I meant to blog about a week and a half ago, but couldn't for a few reasons.
1. I had no Internet.
2. Even if I had had Internet, I wouldn't have had time.
But now freshmen weekend is over, and so is the first week of class. And I have a bit of time before I have to go get stated on homework. Most of which is reading the bible. By the end of the semester, I will have read the entire Old testament, (and the new, If I go on with the summer reading) and the book of John twice. Plus analyzing 1 Peter, and Jonah.

And I like my hall. Allot.

Yesterday was kind of the best I've had in what seems like a long time. (it feels like I've been here for at least a month) Not that other days were bad, but yesterday was really fun. I had class all day till two, then at three, I went and tried out for choir, and made it. (but they say that pretty much everyone dose, so don't be to impressed.)
Then last night there was an all school picnic at a nearby lake! (not the whole school actually came)
On the way there and back, a bunch of us sang praise songs and stuff. It was great, and and reminded me of home. After we got back, we went to the lounge, and did some more singing, followed by a game of Psychiatrist. And NINJA! But it was slightly different than our ninja, cause you could move anywhere, and attack anyone! So that was great.

So there is a little update on my life. There is so much more I could say, but I'll wait.
I love you all, and can't wait to see you all (in September)!

I'm such a nerd.

You see, I've been talking to my roommate over email, and we just (literaly, just. As in, about ten minutes ago) became facebook friends. She seems really cool... I feel so dumb when I first meet people. But I'll get over it.

p.s. WHY HAS NOBODY BLOGGED IN FOREVER?... Dear summer, you are stupid. Never end. Love Beth.

The Sun Will Come Out.

Sometimes Life momentarily loses it's beauty. Today was one of those days for me. I was with my friends nearly all day, and I liked my friends nearly all day too. But sometimes life just gets dull.

Like a piece of silver that has tarnished and lost it's shine over night.

I tried hard to look at the normality that surrounded me and see beauty in it. I tried to stretched my mind into loving the common things that were all around, pressing down silently on my resolve. But I failed.

My prayer tonight is that I don't let the days look like this anymore.

Tomorrow I'll be different (my hearts eternal cry).

Tomorrow I'll be better. I'll live outside of my own head; Outside of the vanity that so often consumes me, and I will be what I was meant to be. It would be easier if I knew what that looked like.

Tomorrow, I will not use the word "I" so much.

How often we put all of our hopes and dreams into our tomorrows. I wonder If they feel pressured to be perfect? I would.

But why not hope hope for today?

"Because it is too late for today."

Well, I'm back from Bequia. It was amazing. I made some friends. That surprised me. I'm really not good at talking to people. Even children. It's just something that dose not come naturally or easily. So I know that God was working in me. It's so exiting! And it's not over. I gave my address, to three little girls from the VBS. They are sisters. Kima who is nine, Tasya who is eight, and Ashanti who is seven. They don't go to church, but they came to vbs every single day. Tasya -the middle girl- clung to me all week simply because I played football with her the first day. Things like that have got to be God. I'm not even athletic.

Guys, Pleas pray for these kids. Not just the sisters, but all of them. Cameron said that allot of the kids there (including the sisters) are street kids. That means that their parents are working all day, and they are left to fend for themselves. Plus allot of them are coming from really broken homes, and it was apparent. They were all so hungry for love. leaving was hard.

Also, I made friends with one of the teens, which was even MORE shocking and exiting. Her name is Angelique, and she is thirteen. She was in mine and Graces' small group all week, but barely talked. By Thursday, she was starting to warm up. Conversations and games were easy, and she was even asking a few questions in the study. Friday morning, we invited all of the teens to go swimming at the beach near our house. Angelique and I got to talk for a bit while everybody else was off walking, and she really started to open up, and talk about her family and just some stuff we had talked about during the week. Pleas pray for the teens too. Many of them are really full of passion, and want to serve God. Just pray that they will be examples for the rest of the church, and become leaders, because I know that they can.

Anyway, there are one Billion more stories that could be told (and will be if you ask me in person). But the week was great. I'm really exited about all of the relationships that we made, and just to see what happent next. Because no way this is the end.

JOOOON!

Well. I have not blogged much as of late. First it was because I was off campin' (which was hard, wet, tiring, kind of awful, and really wonderful, all at the same time) . After that, I had a suprisingly busy week of friends and family, and Bequia meetings. That brings me to this weeks endevors; getting ready for Bequia. I really can't wait. I feel like this trip is just really suposed to happen, and that God has brought together just the right people for it. I can't wait to see how He is going to use each of us! It's SO exiting.

I love the thought that God is using me, and lately in my life, it's been undenyable. I've really seen how He has used my past to teach me things that I need to know now. And I can see how the things that are in my life now, are helping to shape my future. The crazy thing is that I have no idea what that future will be, but I can see and feel it coming none the less. * deep sigh * ... life is beautiful... And God is amazing. Never forget those things, ok?

But back to Bequia. As I said, I feel like God will do big things, and I know that he can. I want you all to pray for us though. although it is not really us, but God in us that wil make any differance, we, as a team, need your prayer. there is so much that none of us really know how to handle. Just with the culture differances that we will be facing; they are huge. I feel like I won't be able to relate to them, but God can use anyone. Even a bunch of white suberban kids. Just pray, ok? God is moving.

My thoughts are not verry clear at the moment. Sorry for that. but I'll try and blog again before I leave. If not, see you all in July!

I feel pathetic. Who would have guessed that I could get this emotional over some cats.
Hugo and Iron Man just left. I will never see them again. I already miss them.

This whole experience has thought me something thought. Well, more like re enforced something that I already had thought about. I Will never have childeren of my own. I just can't. I want a family, but if I'm like this after a few weeks of raseing some cats, what on earth would happen with acual children that are a part of me, and that I rased for years and years? I just can't imagen it. It is settled. I'm adopting all of my kids. ( "But Beth, that will not be any easyer!"..." Yes, I know that...")

Any way, I want to talk to you guys. I mean really talk. Because I really love you all. How about sunday?

Waking Up with the Dawn.

I woke up just before five O' clock this morning. By five after five, it was clear that my sleep was over. I was Ok with this. It was ever so slightly dark when I went outside, and very quiet.
Sometimes it's just really nice to do things that you don't usually do, just to remind you how much you like living. It's easy to forget, sometimes, that life is about living and not just being alive.
Here is what I thoughts this morning-

I was thinking about my friends and just realized another reason that I like you guys so much. And it is this; you don't try and be anything other than what you are. I guess that we might have learned this from each other, because i find myself being the same way.

All of my life, from the time I was born on, I was always trying to be cool. And whenever I tried, I failed (quite miserably). But around the time that I started hanging out with you guys, (my sophomore year of high school) and really getting to you you all, I started caring less about what others thought, and started just being myself. That was new. I don't think I ever completely stopped being myself, I just twisted myself to fit the mold of what I thought was "cool". It wasn't.

Maybe I it was because I fit in better than i ever have before. We all like allot of the same things, and that helps. But as I said at the beginning of spiel, I think we just accept who we are. So what if we are white suburban kids, who are kind of nerdy, and laugh at the word poop a little to much. that's who we are. And I like like who we are. Let's never stop, Ok?

P.S. did anyone get that really cheesy reference that was my title? I sort of hope not.

Dust in the wind

I had this thought early this morning, while I was literally half asleep. I just thought I would share it.
I was thinking about Psalm 103: 14. Which says, "For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust." I really like that verse. And I though, "If we are dust, God must be the wind."
It makes sense. We are just little dust particles sitting around, incapable of doing anything worth doing, or even moving on our own. We need something bigger and something outside of ourselves to move us. That something is the wind. It brought us to where we are now, and anywhere that we go in the future will only be at the will of the wind.

And we (at least, some) think in our little dust heads, "Isn't the Wind great, and powerful for being able to move us?" And it is. But we will never understand it's full power. As dust, we will never see the wind blowing through the trees, or forming tornadoes and hurricanes. When the tiniest of breezes is enough to awe and confuse us, What would happen to us in the wake of a tornado?... Or even a strong gust...

I don't know... just thought it was kind of an interesting picture.

Five days and counting.

Five. That's how many more days that I have to go to that place. I simply can't wait till I'm dome with it forever.

There is so much to look forward to this summer! Camp, (I'm about 90% going) Bequia, helping my best friend plan her wedding (CRAZY!), and of course 31 bucket list items with my other bff's... I will be so proud of us if we do everything on that list.

And the fall! I'm so exited about Calvary! Which is odd, because I'm dreading leaving everybody behind. Not my family so much as my friend. I'm sure that I will miss my family once I actually get there, but they are my family. I have to stay in contact with them weather I want to or not.(I do.) But my friends are different. They are like family that everyone expect you not to stay in touch with.

I decided that I just cant be like Sarah in this regard. I can't just be ok with making friends and then moving on to somewhere else to make new ones. The ironic thing is that I am moving on... I suppose that I'll just have to find a way to make new ones while keeping the ones I already have. I'm pretty hopeful that it is possible. It has to be.

Anyway, I'm accualy supposed to be writing the last of my research paper, so I should really get back to that.(seeing as it's due tomorow...)
Loveyouallandbye!

Nerves.

NervousNervousNervousNervousNervousNervous!

.....That's all.

My thoughts; the condensed version.

I have allot on my mind to say the least. First, and most obvious, the Pyles. All I really can do is pray. I just don't know how to feel about it, so this is the shortest (and yet the most important) thing I'm going to say. Pleas Pray for them.

Well... on Thursday night, I'm going to Calvary, and go to class and chapel with a student there. I'm. So. Nervous. I don't really know why... other than the fact that this could be my future. Also, I got my transcripts sent from Flo today, so all I have to do is wait and see if they accept me.

Lastly, I'm going to be out of town for the next to weekends, so I probably won't see you guys much. I really dislike that idea. I hate getting easily attached to people. But I've talked about that before, and I think I mostly need to get over it. Anyway, I love you all even if you don't see me for a bit... See you later.

Today I need to...

Stop loving what isn't and bask in reality.
To dream is to live
And hope moves us forward.
But dwelling on futile notions of what will be,
Of what could be... That will only leave me empty.

A solution:
Love small thing.
Don't hold back those childish fancies that come unexpectedly.
As we grow, they become fewer and fewer.
Capture them when they come, and exhaust them.
If in the proses, you find your self exhausted, even better.
Don't forget the things that make you human.

The(abrupt) end (of my self-reminder...)

Seven!

Stella had SEVEN kittens yesterday. here are some pictures that Sarah to

That is allot for a cat that has never had kittens before. And It's sort or surprising that they all lived, and were all OK. I didn't realize how small they would be. I guess that I was also allot smaller the last time that we had cats this small...

It's kind of amazing. they are full cats, with whiskers, and claws and everything! but their just shrunken! Crazy...

Well, that's about all. I just thought I should express to you all, my fascination.

"These thoughts of mine are random."

"Jack Bauer is a stud." -My Dad!

I just had to share that. it was the best part of my day so far.

Anyway, Things improved after spring break. In many ways. My schedule is better, and busier. I like it though. Only 6.5 weeks of school left till summer. I'm pretty sure I'm going to Calvary. and that makes me so exited and so afraid at the same time. I know it going away will be good for me, and I'm sure I will like it once I get used to it, but as you may well know, I am very bad at change.

Also, before the break, life felt, for lack of a better word, just sort of disjointed. Not bad, just sort of not normal, and not quite lined up right. I don't know if I'm even making sense, but that's OK!

So after this Sunday, I really want to read the book of Hosea. I've read some of it, and I know the story, but I think I want to understand it better. So I'll probably do that. Also, I may read this book again. (for the millionth time)

That is all for now, but expect more in the near future. I just re-realized how much I really like blogging.